CELASTRUS SCANDENS

Our primary school teachers weren't paid enough considering the amount of theatrics they had up their sleeves😅. Looking back at the beatings these ninjas projected on us draws me to conclude that they probably were compensating themselves. I have a feeling that they always sat around idle in the staffroom and came up with new ways to torture our young minds. My Mathematics, English and Swahili teachers were unmatched talibans.

They caught a glance of everything before it even happened. My Math teacher was the kind of guy that would sneakily walk on all fours all the way from the staff room to his class lessons intending to find  just one culprit to serve as roast meat for the entire class. Whether you were from his class or not was never his business, yeye bora you weren't calculating numbers when he found you. The next forty minutes would have you questioning your entire existence. This is the kind of teacher that would not only flog you shitless but he'd also run his mouth while doing it."You think I got a degree in education to become a herdsman? Heri ata ng'ombe at the end of the day italeta maziwa. Even a dead cow will gives us beef. Your parents sold a cow to school a cow?"

Then he'd continue bombarding us with Algebraic expressions on the board. We'll I've got news for you sir, that shit ain't doing nothing for me out here. He went to extreme lengths to ensure Math is taught at all times. To avoid him stealing our P.E lessons we had to hang a fake class timetable. Somehow he still always managed to get ahead of all situations involving P.E.

Then there's my teacher of English. Hold up, is it "My teacher of English?" Or "My English teacher?" Can you believe we had a whole debate about this all my school going life and everytime we'd still wind up with peeps on the latter side of things?

Watu wa kufanya tuambiwe we should tell our parents to reanalyse their investments 😅.

Every Friday after morning parade we had English. There's nothing that had our teacher buzzing like dictation did. You had better get to class before or immediately the bell rang and have all your tools ready cause this dude wasn't coming for child's play. He'd start yelling words like 'ratatouille' and 'oesophagus' outside the window. Like bro, this is class four English, why we gotta learn how to spell ratatouille? Actually why are we spelling ratatouille? Atleast oesophagus nimeibeba kwa mwili. 

By the time this teacher was in class dictation was done and books were being handed over. Those are around twenty words and you are still figuring ratatouille out😅😅. Sucks to be you doesn't it? Do you know he actually made us get four books just for English? I mean, my entire first year I used one book for all my notes, what was four books for aki? Keep in mind we are only doing five subjects na four English books. Can the math teacher please confirm if this even adds up or makes sense? Never mind 🙄. Ofcourse he'd justify that it does.

I'd love to hear down in the comments below those funny stories from back in the day.